Obedience and Parenting

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Which is more important to you as a parent, obedience or relationship?  Not that it has to be a case of either/or – but our answer to this question will say a lot about our parenting style and what we perceive our role as parents to be.  Is our intended end to produce children who easily comply and do everything that we want them to or is our intended end to train our children in the way that they should go (Proverbs 22:6).  If we want compliant children it doesn’t take a whole lot of work.  We can just tell them what we want them to be and do and then expect them to do it based on the rules and parameters that we have set up for them.

What happens though when they fail or are unable to live up to what we have set up for them?

If we want something more, like training our children to think, to act, and to respond to life from the right heart attitudes, it takes a lot of work.  It takes working at the relationship and putting ourselves in the place to allow them the freedoms they need to learn while remaining in the same place of our homes.  For this to happen though, we as parents have to be willing to let go more while working with our children to help them develop the right heart motivations.

I want my children to obey, not because they have to, but because they want to – because they want to honor and respect mom and dad and others in authority.  For this to happen though it takes work and time – it takes building a relationship.  It takes allowing greater freedoms while enforcing fewer rules.  When done right…a person doesn’t need a lot of limitations to make right decisions – they just need a lot of love.  May we cultivate these kinds of environments with our children.  They are worth it!

Hope is Not a Strategy

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A pastor friend of mine said something once that has stuck with me every since.  He said, “hope is not a strategy.”  There have been plenty of times in my life where I just hoped that the situation, the relationship, the whatever would get better and guess what – they usually don’t.  That is, without a plan.

Maybe you find yourself in a situation hoping that a relationship you have with someone will get better.  Among your many possibilities; you could do nothing and hope that things will get better or you could come up with a plan and begin to work the plan.  The problem with getting a plan and working the plan is that it requires work.  Work, now there is a word that we sometimes shy away from because it requires thought and intention. If I am frustrated over my financial situation, but never give thought and intention to improving my budget and financial outlook, then I am in no place to see my situation improve.  I can will it to improve and never see a change.  I can hope that it improves or I can put a plan in place to begin movement in the right direction.  As we all find out in life, as much as we sometimes would like to throw the life switch in autopilot and kind of cruise our way through it, without intentionality we will not get to the place that God is leading us – we will not get to the place we want to go.

We may see the need to change.  We may even talk about change.  But are we willing to do the work to change?

America and Judgment

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There is an email circulating from a fairly well known pastor who is talking of coming judgment upon America.  Recently, I was asked to share my thoughts concerning this email.  Below you will find my response with a few added sentences at the end.

Click here to read his message.

I guess at this point I am still navigating through where I see myself concerning some of the things that he (this pastor) has come out and said.  While I don’t completely want to dismiss the potential for such devastation – at the same time I am not quick to jump on the band wagon that some of these things will happen or are happening as a result of God’s judgment on America.  America is not perfect and has never been perfect.  Even in our supposed Christian beginnings we fled from the religious strong hold of England and came to the New Englands to establish a religious ideal of freedom and then in our freedom drove the Indians off their land in bloodshed.  I say that to say that I don’t know that we as a nation have ever gotten it right.  When does God say enough is enough?  We have Biblical signs.  On a global scale they are all around us.

Aren’t you thankful for the mercy and kindness of God?  What about His patience?  Because of these attributes we are given the opportunity to know Him and to make Him known.  These are exciting times, where opportunities abound to be salt and light.  This is definitely not a time to be neglecting matters of the kingdom or to be surprised with no oil in our lamps Matthew 25:1-13.

On a practical side, I do think though that it is a good idea to be prepared in the case of a local or national crisis.  I am not there yet, but see the necessity.

I am interested in hearing your ideas.  Your comments are welcome and thanks for being part of this conversation.

Good Fictional Read

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For those of you who like a good fictional read like I do, I highly recommend Ted Dekker’s The Circle Trilogy.  The trilogy is a high paced epic that keeps you on the edge of your seat.  It has all the elements of a good story.  Suspense.  War.  Loss.  Betrayal.  Love and redemption.

Thomas Hunter, the main character in the book, finds himself living between two realities.  When he dreams in one world he wakes up in another.  Throughout the course of the book he learns the significance of both realities, how they are interconnected, and the role that he is to play in the epicenter of both realities.

Definitely a good read!

Have any recommendations of your own?

Word is Getting Out

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Word is starting to get out regarding the newest member of our family.  If you have not heard the good news – we will be having a precious baby girl!  Officially the power shift has tipped in favor of the ladies in our home.  Now the fun begins in trying to figure everything out.  Like, how do we make things work bedroom wise.  And what do we do now that we have outgrown our Suburban?  So, you thought that you had it easy…huh!

Now this is the part where I invite your nice suggestions.  Do you have any?  For example, one person suggested a stretch Suburban.  Are you thinking the same thing that I am thinking?  Nice.  What a great idea!

I am prepared to have fun with this one.  No really, I am!  Let them come.  Just remember that they are just suggestions.  Therefore you cannot get mad if we do not use them.  Room suggestions?  Vehicle suggestions?  Name suggestions?  Other suggestions?

My Week

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This week has been pretty amazing.  On Monday Eden, Zac, Amy and I went to Costco.  Talk about starting the week right.  We love Costco.  Our better yet, we love to spend money at Costco.  This had been our first big Costco trip since November.  Not only that, but we took the kids to the park, watched 24 this week, and to top it all off…I have played basketball twice this week and had a lot of fun last night playing indoor soccer with my brother.  Talk about another simple pleasure.  I love being able to get up and down the court without feeling like I’m about ready to die!

Now this is the conversation part.  Tell me about your week.  Don’t be mad if you didn’t make it to Costco or to the park.  How has it been?

Are You Listening?

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God is speaking, are you listening?

Without intentionality, because of the pace and nature of our culture, it’s easy to get lost in ourselves, preoccupied with our ambition, drive and pursuits.  Often it’s in this place, that the voice of God gets drowned out because His voice is not always the loudest or the most demanding.  This doesn’t diminish the reality though that God is speaking and that He wants to speak to us.

This thought of course brings into the light an interesting dilemma.   If God is speaking, why do I feel like I have trouble hearing?  And if God is speaking, how do I recognize His voice in the midst of all the other voices fighting for my attention and affection.  While the answer to both of these questions can be a bit complex, both of them find their answer rooted in relationship.  Just as I learn to know and recognize the voice of my children through interaction in relationship, this is the same way I learn to know and recognize the voice of the God.  I develop sensitivity to His speaking through my interaction with Him through relationship.

When I engage myself in what has been written in the Bible, I am interacting with the written words of God.  God speaks through scripture.  Through scripture I learn to know the character and nature of God’s person.  I learn what He likes and dislikes.  I learn what He responds to and what hurts Him.  Through my interaction with the written Word (Jesus – John 1:1) I come to know the voice of God.  Through relationship His words find expression in what I give myself to, in how I live, and in how I interact with others.

Therefore it takes intentionality on our behalf to be aware of what it occupying our minds and hearts.  This may have a lot to do with what we are and are not hearing from God.  Do you want to hear from God for your life?  Considering slowing down and making the shift from my pursuits to His pursuits.  And then maybe the quiet still voice of the Holy Spirit will be able to be heard in our lives.  Even though His voice may not be the loudest and most demanding – it is the most persistent.  He pursues us that He might have a relationship with us.

A Loaded Question

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A friend of mine recently asked me a loaded question that I would like to share with you and my response to his question.  The question was this.

“If you were giving council to a young married couple with children about being a good steward with their finances and being responsible with their family and life, what order would you put these items in?  Things such as food, clothing, utilities, shelter, gas, medical, charitable giving, savings account, life insurance, retirement, college funds, etc.”

Below I have posted my response to this question.  Whether we are conscious or intentional at times in our thinking regarding certain decisions that we make, our priorities are determined by our values.  The shaping of values then determine what we place priority on.

If I were to give counsel to a young couple this is what I would tell them.  I would tell them that our doing is derived out of our being.  For in Christ we are to live and move and have our being.  Our doing is to flow out of our being.  Our priorities and the values that we place on them, flow out of relationship “our being.”  For example, my values may be shaped in this way.  Christ, family, work, and then other relationships.  Once I determine my values, I place priority on them.  What belongs to Jesus, since I place value on seeking and putting Him first, the first 10% goes to Him.  From there, food, shelter, utilities, gas, life insurance, missions giving and offerings, savings account, and retirement.  My wife and I have decided that each of our children will need to pay for college themselves through scholarships and what not.  It is our determined values that shape the outflow of our priorities.

What about you, have you taken the time to think about how your values are shaping and determining your priorities?  It’s a good thing to give some thought and consideration to!  Give it a try and let me know what you come up with.

A Simple Pleasure

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Have you ever played I Spy?  In a stretch between Albany and Eugene, which is about 45 miles, my wife and I must have seen about 15 hawks along I-5.  For a guy that loves spying hawks, it was amazing.  This is definitely one of those simple pleasures in life that I thank God for.

What is a simple pleasure in your life that you get excited about?  Do you have one?  If not, I recommend discovering one.  Especially on longer trips it adds some excitement…as if a Suburban full of amazing kids isn’t enough!

Good Question

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Here is a question that I have been wrestling some over.

Do all people become followers of Christ out of need?

I find this question interesting because I know people who are “good” people.  In other words they do a lot of things right.  They make right decisions with their life.  They are people of integrity.  They love and care for others.  They don’t talk bad about others.  They make it a point to live healthy productive lives.  With logic and strong reason, a person could live a pretty good life.  A person might even look at the fruit of their lives and draw a comparison with someone who is a Christ follower.

When confronted with the gospel – what is the buy in if you will for the “good” person?  Let’s just say, they don’t see a need.  Most probably don’t.  After all, they are doing just fine on their own.

Knowing that the Holy Spirit is the One who reveals Jesus, is it possible to follow Jesus out of logic and reason and not just out of need?  Or will a “good” person only become a follower of Christ when he sees his need?

Thoughts?