Category Archives: Parenting Tips

The Isolation Generation

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According to psychologist Philip Zimbardo, there is a new addictive force causing havoc in young males.  He calls it an arousal addiction – an addiction of always “wanting something different.”  Instead of wanting “more” they want something “different.”  He believes the source of this addiction to be video gaming, internet use, and online pornography.  Did you know that the average young man will have spent 10,000 hours gaming by the age 21? Did you know that the average young man also watches 50 porn clips per week?

THE PROBLEM

The minds of young men are being digitally rewired in a totally new way.  The need for constant arousal has created disconnect in the traditional classroom – men are failing academically.  The impact is also being felt relationally.  They are missing it socially, especially with women.  I also question the affect of violence in gaming.  Is it producing a greater love for one’s neighbor, or is it causing numbness to the affects of war and bloodshed?

WHAT CAN WE DO?

Here are a few ideas I have on what we can do.  We need to be both aware and intentional with the environments we are raising our children in.  Are we aware of the consequences of such an addiction?  An intentional parent places limitations on the games and the amount of time spent gaming.  An intentional parent knows passwords, checks history, and holds their children accountable for their internet use.  Intentional parents also teach their children the value of using their minds and manual labor.  This means sending the kids outside to play on their own, finding jobs for them to do that requires effort, and getting them involved in things where interaction with others isn’t an option.

 

 

Interpreting Spiritual Leadership

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In the words of one leadership guru, leadership is simply defined as influence.  Spiritual leadership then is the influence one exudes in moving others closer to Jesus.

My youngest is 2 years old and full of life.  She is quite the talker and usually pretty easy to understand – if you are around her enough.  Occasionally I need my wife to interpret what she is saying.  The other day at Fred Myers I had the privilege of interpreting for the check out lady.

Sometimes we need a good interpreter to tell and show us how to lead spiritually.

I love the example of spiritual leadership in Acts 10.  A non Jew by the name of Cornelius is described as a devout man, as a man who gave generously and prayed often.  Cornelius is described as someone who feared God with all his household.  The devotion of his life left a mark on his household.  They were willing followers of the example he set.  His influence reached those closest to him.  This speaks to his leadership in the home.

Do you want to cause others to get closer to Jesus?  Do you want to lead well in the home and in the market place?

1.  Be devoted.  Leave little doubt concerning the things that are important to you.

2.  Be practical.  Pray with your wife.  Have spiritual conversations with your children.  Let your co-workers know that you are praying for them.  Become a more loving, caring, kind, patient, and compassionate individual.

When others see the devotion of your life and the practical ways in which you live out your devotion, credibility is established.  People are more open to being influenced and following someone they see as credible.

 

 

It’s Hard To Put on the Bed Sheet

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Tonight my wife and I were watching a show when we heard tiny footsteps on the stairs.  Around the corner came our 5 year old daughter, Eden a little disturbed.  She is our drama queen after all. Not knowing if she was exactly awake or not, we asked her what she was doing.  We didn’t get her response at first, “I just can’t keep track of it” she said in a sweet and disturbed voice more than once because we weren’t catching on right away.  We eventually found out the reason for her visit and guess who got to take care of the little mess…mom.

As I sat and  looked at my little girl, it hit me like it so often does.  I was amazed at how big she is getting.  Before long she will join the ranks of my older girls.  It doesn’t take long.

This afternoon I met with a man who has cancer.  As I think back on my conversation with him, as I reflect on this little moment with my baby girl, I am reminded once again of the value of relationship.

Life is intended to be lived with others.  It’s little moments like these that have a way of reminding us of what really is important. People matter.  Relationships matter.  Taking the time to appreciate even the simple things in life have a way of making us realize the frailty of life and how fleeting it is.  Make the most of the life you have been given.

Take the time today to appreciate the relationships you have and the memories you are making. You will be glad you did.  I know I am.

As my wife tried to negotiate with Eden on who had clean up duty, etched in my mind for at least tonight are the words of my 5 year old daughter,  ”Its hard to put on the bed sheet.”  And so what do we do?  We put on the bed sheet and we cherish the memories and the time we have together with our children.

 

Start With The End in Mind

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A GREAT PARENTING TIP

My wife and I were 23 years old when we welcomed our first baby into the world.  As a father now of seven amazing children, I recognize the value of something we committed to before Malea was born.  Early on we decided what kind of children we wanted to raise.  Whether we realized it at the time or not, starting with the end in mind helped to bring definition and clarity to what kind of parents we would be and what kind of children we would raise.  For us, it set the tone for the kind of atmosphere we would raise our children together in.

The end we had in mind was that of a blessing.  We decided that we wanted to raise children that were a blessing not only in our home and to us, but to others.

Starting with the end in mind is a good idea because it provides an idea of what to parent towards.  Do you have an idea or picture of what you are parenting towards?  If not, ask the Holy Spirit to give you wisdom and revelation concerning an end.  Is character important to you?  Is work ethic important to you?  Just think, as a parent we have been entrusted with the responsibility of raising our children toward His purposes.  This is definitely something that we should take seriously.

Obedience and Parenting

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Which is more important to you as a parent, obedience or relationship?  Not that it has to be a case of either/or – but our answer to this question will say a lot about our parenting style and what we perceive our role as parents to be.  Is our intended end to produce children who easily comply and do everything that we want them to or is our intended end to train our children in the way that they should go (Proverbs 22:6).  If we want compliant children it doesn’t take a whole lot of work.  We can just tell them what we want them to be and do and then expect them to do it based on the rules and parameters that we have set up for them.

What happens though when they fail or are unable to live up to what we have set up for them?

If we want something more, like training our children to think, to act, and to respond to life from the right heart attitudes, it takes a lot of work.  It takes working at the relationship and putting ourselves in the place to allow them the freedoms they need to learn while remaining in the same place of our homes.  For this to happen though, we as parents have to be willing to let go more while working with our children to help them develop the right heart motivations.

I want my children to obey, not because they have to, but because they want to – because they want to honor and respect mom and dad and others in authority.  For this to happen though it takes work and time – it takes building a relationship.  It takes allowing greater freedoms while enforcing fewer rules.  When done right…a person doesn’t need a lot of limitations to make right decisions – they just need a lot of love.  May we cultivate these kinds of environments with our children.  They are worth it!

Raising Extraordinary Children

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Parenting is extremely rewarding.  We tend to like this side of parenting.  But anyone who is or has been a parent understands the other side of parenting also.  That it can be real challenging at times.  It takes differing skill sets to parent different personalities through different seasons of life.  All of which are not easy.  This is a challenge and one that we often don’t feel equipped to face.  Be encouraged though, you are not alone.  All parents struggle with this on some level…if they are honest.  The good news is that with the help of the Holy Spirit and each other, we can thrive as parents raising extraordinary children who will do extraordinary things for Jesus.  I would encourage you to pray the following over your children and yourself often.

GOOD THINGS TO PRAY OVER YOUR CHILDREN

  • Pray that they would hunger and thirst for righteousness – that they would have a hunger for God and His purposes.  Mathew 5:6
  • Pray a hedge of protection around them.  Job 1:10
  • Pray a hedge of thorns around a rebellious son or daughter.  Hosea 2:6 Also pray that they would come to their right mind.  Luke 15:7
  • Pray that they would guard what has been entrusted to them in terms of gifts and talents – the deposit of God.  1 Timothy 6:20
  • Pray that they would be strong in spirit, filled with wisdom, and that the grace of God would be upon them.  Luke 2:40
  • Pray that they would be leaders and influencers.  Luke 2:52
  • Pray that they would make wise and right decisions.  Proverbs 14:33
  • Pray that they would love Jesus with their whole person and others as they love themselves.  Matthew 22:37,39

GOOD THINGS TO PRAY AS A PARENT OVER YOUR LIFE

  • Pray that you would have wisdom and breadth of mind concerning parenting and life.  1 Kings 4:29
  • Pray that you would have discernment concerning things going on in their lives.  Daniel 2:14
  • Pray that you would be patient in love with them.  1 Corinthians 13:4
  • Pray that you would raise them in the way that they should go.  Proverbs 22:6  This speaks of encouraging them toward their giftings and life bent.
  • Pray that you would speak with wisdom and grace.  Proverbs 12:18; Proverbs 22:11

Invest in the spiritual lives of your children by praying for them.  It is an investment with eternal significance.  Try it…it makes a difference!